Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Nesting Emotions

It's funny how many layers of emotion can be felt on any one single occurrence. We have so many different words to express how we feel, and so many depths, and an enormous range of thoughts that fluctuate through our minds. All because of one tiny thing. 

I have a tendency to come off like the matryoshka doll above - precise, relatively together, and somewhat emotionless. The extroverts in my life tend to shake me and say, "Do something! Smile! Say how you feel!" But that is very difficult for me, because, like that matryoshka, I have several other faces with other feelings all locked inside, and I'm never quite sure which one to show. 

Tonight I had one of those moments. A moment when you realize that you aren't a child anymore. When you suddenly realize you don't quite know who or what you are... or how to react. I was mainly excited, but then terrified, then serious, then laughing. Responsibility, insecurity, questioning... All of these factor into which layer is what emotion at the time. 

But deep in the heart of that matryoshka is a tiny, unopenable final layer. It can't be placed anywhere but at the core of the doll, and it is not hollow like the rest. Which is like my emotions. Because underneath all of my temporary, conditional feelings, there is one constant. God. He is the solid calm in my final layer. He is the most important piece upon which the other layers fit. I may not be very good at expressing which feeling I am currently undergoing, but I know that right at the core of my life, is the One Who made me, the One Who cares for me, and the One Who has it all figured out. And that is what keeps me together. 

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

No comments:

Post a Comment