Left-Hand Army was looking for some coffee in the drawer, and Right-Hand Army decided to declare war. This is how it went:
LH Army: Ok, troops, we're on a mission to find the mocha light roast. Anybody see it? (Thumb and Forefinger bend back the labels on the coffee). Nope? Huh...
RH Army: No way! Left -hand army is doing something without us. That is not cool! We are totally just as good as they are! We need to prove our dominance! Quick! Shut the drawer!
At this point, All Powerful Brain should have stepped in, but he has been taking a deistic approach to motor skills...
LH Army: Guess it isn't here. Hey, you guys hear something? Oh, hey, Right Hand Army! Wait... no! Troops! Abort mission! Abort! Move! Thumb, hurry! THUMB!
At this point, All Powerful Brain realized that while his laissez-fair approach took less effort, he would still have to face the consequences of PAIN. Taking in a huge gulp of air, he chose to take the laughter-is-pain-in-disguise approach, and the uncontrollable shrieking, sobbing laughter bubbled forth. Left and Right Knee buckled, the Tear Ducts began to rain, and Right Hand Army cradled the crushed form of Thumb, full of regret for their foolish actions.
The moral of this story: Envy and revenge are best left to themselves. Also, I am stupid.